I am forcing myself to be uncomfortable.  Putting my thoughts down so that others may be able to see them is daunting to say the least.  If this were some sort of an assignment, where I had a topic and was being judged purely on the basis of my writing skills and/or research skills, I would be at ease.  But it is more than that.  It is a window into my thoughts.  It allows you, the reader to know what I really think about.  You might be able to see things through my eyes for a moment.

So, what DO I think about.  I think about God.  Often.  Oh, does that sound vain?  It is not ment to.  But God, is part of my life.  The question comes to mind:  Who am I, that God, the creator of this universe, the One that spoke the stars into existance, is mindful of me?  I am His child.  Not by bloodline, but by adoption.  By all standards that puts me in the catergory of being a "Christian". 

"I would have become a Christian, had I never met one" - Ghandi

This quote haunts me.  I'm THAT Christian sometimes. 

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am quite the cynic.  Ever the realist, I once responded to the question:
"What are you?" (in reference to my faith)
"oh me?  I'm just a sinner."  (accompanied by an eye roll and a snicker)
"No, but what do you believe?"
"Well, frankly, I believe I am a flawed person that is in desperate need of forgiveness over and over and over again - luckily I know the guy that can take care of that." (wink and a nod) 
"Ohhh, so you're a Christian?!"
"Sure, we can go with that......" (knowing smile)

Now, why do I NOT care for the moniker Christian?  Excuse me....have you MET ONE?  I feel certain you have.  Do I REALLY want to be thrown into that lot?  Oh, but do I DESERVE to be thrown into that lot?

There is the dilema.  Ages old.  That which I HATE, I do.  That which I want to do, I fail to do.  THAT is Christianity in a nutshell.  The human struggle with self, with sin, with life.

So, yes, I think about God.  Why?  Not because I am HOLY.  Not because I am perfect.  Not even because I am a GREAT WOMAN OF FAITH.  I think about God because I desperately need Him.  I am unholy and flawed, I am just a woman with faith in a GREAT GOD.

That was it, I just cracked the window open.  As I prepare to press the PUBLISH button my heart races.  I wonder will I be met with frigid winds or warm breezes?  This is not easy, but it will let my soul breathe.