"Don't chew gum, you'll just look like a cow"
"A true lady sits with one leg planted and the other leg neatly tucked behind at the ankle - knees together"
"start on the outside, work your way in"
"Darling, don't whistle.  Its masculine and ruins your lipstick"
"Never clap at the end of our National Anthem - I don't care WHO is going to be on the field."
"We break bread, we cut steak, do not put a knife to that dinner roll."

Oh dear, the list really does go on and on. 

We could title it:  RULES FOR LIVING - (in 1940)

Or we could go with:  ARCHAIC STANDARDS for YOUNG LADIES (circa 1940)

Possibly:  STUFF NO ONE CARES ABOUT - (from 1940)

These were the MANTRAS of my youth.  How old am I?  Im only 40.  I grew up in the 80's, big hair and 'ice ice baby' - playing at my Sr. Prom.  So, no, I'm not a bobbie soxer!  Yet, these were the standards. 

I obeyed.  Just out of respect.  My grandmother was a gem.  Hard as nails, classy as Jackie O herself and as poor as a church mouse.  My grandmother was from a different world.  Yet she was one of the most practical and inspiring women I ever knew.  I certainly obeyed - don't forget....she was hard as nails. 

Grandma never had a drivers licence.  Never drove.  ALWAYS depended on Grandpa to take her to the market 15 miles up the highway to get anything she needed.  She was never demanding, and she would most definately make do with whatever she had.  But, the fact remained, if my grandmother needed anything, she was at the mercy of her husband or her children for a ride. 

Naturally, I, growing up a "material girl", thought this odd.  I wanted her liberated!  I wanted her in Pants, casting a vote, driving a car and having a job with EQUAL PAY for EQUAL WORK! 

I remember one day picking her up to visit her favorite mall.  I sprayed my hair until I felt close to Jesus.  I put on more bangles than the BANGLES themselves could have worn and I piled on 3 sets of socks to match my outfit.  I then drove to the country to pick up my grandmother.  I smiled when I saw her with black wristlet gloves on holding a box purse.  She was wearing pearls and her favorite "walking sandals with the slightest little kitten heal - no man wants to look at fat ankles!!!"  (by the way, they were also 'perfect for dancing in' - which she ALWAYS brought up - evidently it was quite important to her to be able to bust out into a random POLKA at any time and place.)  

Grandma squished into my little 2-door contraption and we headed to the big city.  My bangles ended up in the glove box because she said I sounded "like a billy goat trying to get loose - a lady should make an entrance with her smile and confidence not sounding like a heard of jerseys ready to be milked!!!!"   ***I simply complied, and removed the bracelets.  My satellite sized earings did get a compliment - she said, "you look like Cleopatra - I like them, are they clip ons?" 
     "no ma'am, they are the stud kind"
     "oh thats disgusting!" - in a very "Driving Mrs Daisy" manner.

     We arrived at the mall and worked our way to the entrance.  Pill-box hat perfectly stationed on her head, gloves pristine, small clutch purse stationed perfectly at her hip.  Strong, she was.  Not petite, but considering she had 10 children, she was by no means LARGE.  Yet, she walked perfectly upright, "leading with the hips, one foot in front of the other, like a movie star - not a moose!"  She still had a lovely sway when she walked.  I could certainly see how she caught my grandfathers attention and held it for so many years.  Her lipstick was a pungent pink, and her cheeks were perfectly PINCHED in the passenger side mirror before we got out of my car, I had been warned when to have her visit the ladies room lest the pink fade too much. 

     Upon reaching the entrance, a striking young man arrived at the door NEARLY when we did.  Maybe two seconds behind us.  Grandmother straightend and stood in a perfect Miss America style 2nd position pose and said and smiled and nodded at the young man.  The young man stretched out his hand and said, "You go right ahead ma'am - I believe in the womens liberation movement."  with a huge JUSTIFIED grin on his face. 
     "WELL, I CERTAINLY DO NOT!  OPEN THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!"
      ***Tough as nails, remember?
     He obeyed,  He apologized. 
     He apologized again.

     I giggled.  He just didn't know what he was up against.  I liked her spunk.

     On another similar outing, a few of my uncles, my mother and myself all decided it was time to take Grandmother to a professional sporting event.  The San Antonio Spurs were playing at thier new venue and we were going to the game!  Grandma was a huge sports fan - she WAS the mother of NINE rambunctious boys (and my poor, poor mother).  Sporting events were just common to her.  She could make calls, keep stats, and run the concession stand.  And do it all in her "nice walking sandals with the little kitten heel"  (perfect for dancing).

    We parked in the huge parking garage, strolled thru the beautiful city streets.  Found our way to the immense venue, marveled at its size, retrieved our tickets and began the daunting task of finding our seats. 
     Grandma may have been an older country woman NOW, but back in the 40's she worked in this bustling city.  She knew streets, little family owned resturants, the USO where she and her friends would DANCE with the boys that had just 'come home'.  She knew how to be a downtowner!  She still loved taking the bus, riding on a trolly car and visiting a 5 and 10 that she would go to when she was young.  This BiG city and all its commotion did not phase her.  NO SIR, it invigorated her!
     I remember standing there trying to figure out which way our tickets were leading us and her eyes locked in on something.  We all ignored it....the sights were so many, there was just no telling what she saw.  Finally we are sure of what direction we needed to go and as we begin to amble that way, she says:  'Wait one minute while I take care of something.'

     Naturally we were confused.  I followed for fear of the group getting seperated.  Ticket in my hand, I am on her heels.....ten feet behind.  I see her digging in her clutch, she pulls out a handkerchief.  She is quickly approaching one of the young ladies that works in the venue.  Then I hear:  "YOUNG LADY, excuse me.  You are such a beautiful girl, in fact, I noticed you from all the way over there.  However, when I was looking at how pretty you are, all I was able to notice was you chewing gum like a COW chewing its cud.  Now, I have a handkerchief and you just spit it right here and I will throw it away for you so you won't look so RIDICULOUS!  NoW SPIT!!"

     ***Tough as nails remember
     she obeyed
     she smiled embarrassingly
     she thanked my grandmother
     I sighed.  Poor thing, she just didn't know who she was up against.

My grandmother was one of a kind (just like yours). 

Despite her "tough as nails" side, she was full of love and care. This was shown to me one day when I had stayed home from school with a terrible sore throat.  I wanted to eat but had no strength or will to make food for myself.  I called my grandmother.  "grandma, if i take some eggs and stuff over there will you make breakfast for me, I dont feel good." I scratched out in my froggy voice.
     "why yes baby, you come right over, Ill take care of you.....just do one favor for me"
     "yes ma'am?"
     "tell me who you are, so that I know who I'm going to take care of."

She was a jewel. 

     Some days I tired of being told all the afore mentioned RULES.  The list of do's and don'ts was miles long it seemed.  Naturally as a young teenager, I would complain.  I felt like I was in a time warp at times. 

     Oh to be able to go back in time.  To have more time with her.  To gleen more from that treasure of a woman.  I think of her often. 

     Three nights ago my husband suprised us with tickets to the ballett at the Majestic Theater in San Antonio.  Grandma worked there in the 1940's.  I got my daughter ready.  I jumped into my favorite black 6' heels with the gel insert (it makes them perfect for walking.....and dancing, no man wants to see a woman with fat ankles!).   I wore a slimming black dress cut just above the knee....I had a set of bracelets on, but they were "too much".  I stuck with the STUNING rhinestone necklace and my wedding set.  I reminded my daughter as we strolled thru the parking garage.  "Sweetheart, your clomping!  Lead with your hips and walk a line, not on rail road tracks - its much prettier".  We enjoyed the ballett and were led out by our gentlemen. 

     In the ladies room, my daughter said, "Mommy, I'm going to tell Daddy to take us to eat somehwere!"  I smiled and said, "No sweetheart, we will be ladies.  If we are invited to dinner, we will certainly accept the invitation, however, your date for the evening has spent quite a bit of money already."  - Naturally, dinner was an option. She chose seafood.

     After requesting a table, we were led to a seating area.  My daughter sat down like Antione Carr waiting on the bench to be played.  I planted my right foot, tucked my left foot neatly behind and sat back strait on the bench (knees together).  She looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Mommy, your always so pretty." 
     *I took this time to teach her to 'sit like a lady'.  She smiled

     We were finally seated at our table, my little girl in her kitten heels and kimono style black dress executed sitting perfectly.  She positioned her linnen napkin on her lap and said, "Daddy, we break bread and we CUT steak, DON'T use that butter knife on that bread!"

     I smiled, poor guy just didn't know what he was up against.

Thank you grandma. 
Thank you for your tough as nails exterior and your full of love interrior.
Thank you for your lessons on manners and etiquite, they just make us prettier.
And thank you for letting me know: 
I DON'T have to be a womens libber!  I can just enjoy being a WOMAN!